Carl is 14 years old, born in a culvert near Tallahassee, and transferred to Winona after biting an intern in Orlando (emotionally). He enjoys sunning himself, classic rock and motivational speeches shouted from ledges. Known for blinking slowly at bad decisions and once ate a stress ball in a performance review. His favorite song is “Welcome to the Jungle.”

Wanda, 13, was born in Gainesville and trained in passive-aggressive lunges. She channels the rage of overlooked PTO requests and stolen lunches. Known to inch closer when someone mentions “team bonding.” Has never lost a staring contest or a grudge match. Dislikes eye contact. Once bit a kayak in half. Emotionally complex. Favorite snack is hesitation.

Clarence is 19 and emerged from a misty golf course pond already holding a grudge. He’s known to silently float just beneath the surface of the retreat pond for hours, watching, calculating, and absolutely judging. He has been known to track people across the wetlands based solely on the tone of their laughter and unexplainable hates people who call themselves “fun.”

At 32, Doug is the oldest of the bunch and somehow the most terrifying. He emerges only when the retreat vibe becomes “too teamy.” His expression never changes, but participants report experiencing spontaneous introspection, gastrointestinal discomfort, and the urge to stop whatever it is they’re doing. Doug doesn’t want to be here. Neither do you, once he shows up.

Lars, 14, is from Georgia’s quieter, moodier swamps. He appreciates minimalism, poorly reinforced ideas, and chaos disguised as constructive feedback. His pet peeves are loud splashing, forced camaraderie, any kind of chanting. He is known to surface exactly when someone questions their own confidence. His side-eye can make flowers wither.

Keith, 10, has full-on gremlin energy. He was found under a condemned waterslide and is the youngest alligator. He is pure mayhem in reptilian form — a shrieking, hissing, mud-slick blur of motion that only stops to giggle and bite something. His pet peeves are movement and eye contact. He has a TikTok channel nobody understands. His favorite food is paperwork.

Darla, 16, was born on a reclaimed HR retreat site and raised on passive-aggressive feedback loops. She hisses every time someone says “pivot” unironically. She feeds exclusively on insincerity. She lunges at the sound of buzzwords. Favorite shape: circle. Least favorite phrase: “per my last email.” Her spirit animal is “No.”

22, emotion whisperer. Born in a defunct pirate show and raised by drama. Felicia detects false vulnerability like a lie detector and once hissed audibly when someone fake-cried in a team check-in. She’s a chronic eavesdropper with a keen ear for emotional dishonesty. Felicia prefers vulnerable prey and has been known to attack anyone who uses “live, laugh, love” in earnest.

Dolores, 21, was hatched near a strip mall Cinnabon. She is clairvoyant, calm, methodical, and incredibly judgmental. She stares for long stretches and blinks only when she’s deeply disappointed. She was once in a pilot program for emotional support reptiles but was removed for “excessive tension.” Dolores is known for draining morale from a room just by sighing.

Nigel, 16, doesn’t oversee matches. He looms. He doesn’t call fouls — he senses them, often before the fouler even moves. Known to vanish mid-match and reappear standing directly behind someone who just told a half-truth, Nigel enforces justice with a kind of quiet menace that makes grown men apologize for things they haven’t done yet.

He has locked eyes with interns and made them forget their names. One time, a contestant said “synergy,” and Nigel hissed so quietly that the entire ring emptied itself in under six seconds.

Nigel is not here to watch. He is here to restore balance — through fear, intuition, and supernatural arbitration.

Deborah is 12 and chaotic neutral with an instinct for smelling fear. Born during a thunderstorm and emotionally aligned with it ever since. Deborah will chase anything with uncertainty in its heart and a watermelon in its hands. She once re-enacted a trust fall solo. No one asked her to. Easily distracted but wildly fast when locked in, she’s known to chase anything that squeals. She doesn’t believe in eye contact and takes offense to the color fuchsia. Favorite snack: indecision wrapped in polyester.

Gary is 17 years old, originally from a retirement swamp outside Baton Rouge. He enjoys puzzles, intimidation, and eating things slowly while maintaining eye contact. Former therapy gator, now considered too intense for schools. His key is zip-tied to his tail because he demanded job security. Gary also meditates regularly and only attacks when someone uses passive voice. He once hissed when someone said "touch base."